We don’t have fun together anymore

‘I don’t have fun with my husband anymore’

‘We don’t have time for each other’

‘All we talk about are the kids and jobs at home’

Have you found yourself saying any of these.  If you have, you’re not alone.  It’s a common experience I hear from the mums who work with me. 

You may have tried arranging date nights, but something else comes up and they fall by the wayside after a few weeks.   Waiting for the next holiday or weekend away to come around just isn’t practical in the long-term.   And in a pandemic getting away is even harder to organize. 

It can often feel like giving your marriage attention is for when you have spare time. And life is so busy it’s really hard to find time for each other.  Never mind have fun together. 

And in those rare moments when you do get time together, practical conversations take over.   Like what needs organizing for the kids, who’s doing the shopping, or have you put the bins out. 

These are important conversations that need to take place.   However, when they’re the only conversations you’re having it can make married life feel stale and no fun anymore.

‘This isn’t what it was like when we first got together’ is something I regularly hear from the mums I work with.  They want to figure out how to get reconnected with their husband.   And find things to talk about other than the practicalities of life.

But where are you going to find the time and energy to put into your marriage when you’re already at full capacity? 

One of my top tips is to have a ten-minute conversation with your husband each day – one that isn’t focused on the to-do list.   Maybe share some news about someone you both know, something that happened during your day or something that made you smile.   Mums tell me these are the kind of conversations they had when they first got together – and they miss them. 

As we get married and have kids, our lives get busier and busier and our marriage gets pushed out. But when we consciously put it back in, it makes a difference and gives us a break from some of the grind of what daily life can be like.

So tonight or tomorrow night, before the tv goes on or the phones come out to check social media, put aside ten minutes and ask yourself “what news do I have to share today?” Open up a conversation and see where it takes you. Get back to the conversations you loved to have before you got married, had kids and life became so busy.

The Art & Science of Marraige

Carol Fare’s Blog

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