When you’re trying to decide what to do about your marriage, your head is full of thoughts, questions, and worries
Should I stay and give it one last chance?
Should I leave and start rebuilding my life?
What if I make a choice I later regret and wish I’d done something different?
And this is the biggest fear of the mums I work with – what if I do something I later regret. If I stay and then we later split up will I have wasted time when I could have started again. If I leave and then feel we could have made it work, will I wish I’d stayed to try again.
And the fear of decision regret is what makes it hard for mums to make a decision about their marriage they can stick to.
What they want is some way of knowing if their marriage can make it.
Now I haven’t got a magic wand I can wave that will give you a definitive answer whether your marriage has a future. However, there are some questions you can ask which can help you work out whether there are signs your marriage could make it. That indicate there is something to work with in your marriage so that you can turn it around have a future together.
And I want to share with you a question which will help you get clearer about whether you should stay or go in your marriage.
Many mums will answer this question with something about their children. Of course, as parents children are something we do together. However, when you have children the expectation is that they grow up, become independent and live their own lives. Leaving you and your husband to return to being a couple. So when you’re considering this question and the future of your marriage, the activity or interest can’t be your children. So you can get to the heart of whether there is something in your marriage for the long term.
Your next question might be – what counts as an activity or interest that you enjoy? There are 5 elements to this:
- An activity you look forward to sharing with your husband
- An activity you do together
- An activity you both want to do
- An activity you both enjoy and like taking part in
- An activity that gives you both a feeling of closeness for a while
And this can be activities like:
- Going for a walk together
- Laughing together at the same comedy
- Gardening together
- Running around in the park with the dog and frisbee
- Completing a quiz or crossword together
- Cuddling in bed together before turning off the light
- Watching a film together
- Sitting around on a Sunday morning with the papers and a pot of coffee
- Cooking a meal together
Take some time to think about this question. Journaling and going for a walk are both great ways of mulling it over and thinking it through. And see what comes to mind about your marriage.
If you can think of one thing you and your husband do together, that makes you feel good and when you feel close and connected, that’s an indication there are signs of life in your marriage. There is a possibility you can work out what’s not working in your marriage and your marriage can make it.
If you’ve found this question helpful, then you’ll love my Can My Marriage Make It checklist. It’s a free checklist, delivered to your inbox with straightforward questions which will help you get clear about whether your marriage has a future, and whether you want to give it one last chance. Get your copy here